The Joke Thread

[Jekyll and Hyde]

Ok here we go:

Two Englishmen in their new soon to open store, just a few shelves up and they are having a cup of tea, one turns to the other and says "I bet any minute now some silly sod will come by and ask us what we are selling" no sooner had the words come out of his mouth an Irishman comes over and says "So what are you selling?" one of the Englishmen turns round and says "We're selling a**holes!" the Irishman then replies "Your doing well then, only two left!!!"

[Bare Foot Kid]

Hello Jekyll and Hyde.

That's a good one!















Later Ted

[NormCameron]

Nice one Chris.

[Jekyll and Hyde]

Hi there Ted,

Glad you both like it, now if only I could remember my encylopedia of jokes, sadly they are all gone, only the usual Doctor Doctor ones remain and they are'nt worth telling, you know like:

Patient: "Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains"
Doctor: "Oh just pull yourself together"

[AvatarOfTheShip]

A policeman, himself a very keen golfer, is called to a homicide where a man has killed his wife by bashing her head in with a nine iron. As he surveys the mess he says to the guy, "How many strokes did this take?" The man, somewhat bemused, says, "about 8". The cop winks at him and says, "Let's call it 5, eh?"

[AvatarOfTheShip]

A woman who is about to marry her fiance, a keen golfer, tells him she has a confession to make before their wedding day. "What is it, darling?" he says. "I have to tell you, I... I... I'm a hooker!" "Oh, I see" he says, looking very thoughtful. "Yes, yes, that is a problem. Still, if you change your grip..."

[AvatarOfTheShip]

A Hydrogen atom walks into a police station to report a lost electron. The desk sargeant says, "are you sure you've lost it?" "Yes," says the atom, "I'm positive"

[AvatarOfTheShip]

A mathematician decides to forsake abstraction and get a real job. He decides to become a fireman. During training, his supervisor takes him into an alley containing a hose, a hydrant, and a dumpster. "Let's say you come into the alley and the dumpster's on fire. What do you do?"
"I connect the hose to the hydrant and use it to put the fire out"
"Excellent. And what if there is no fire?"
"I set the dumpster on fire"
"What! Why?"
"Because then we're in a situation for which we already have a solution"

[NormCameron]

AvatarOfTheShip LMAO

[Oskari]

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.