The Joke Thread

[garysgold]

[Joan Archer]

That's a good one KV43

[KV43]

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternooon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout '****, missed'.

The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer. "Don't swear like that" he told his friend, "or God will punish you". The builder apologised and the game continued.

As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted "****, missed." and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes.

The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said "I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!"

Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "****, missed". Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead.

Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, "****, missed!"

[KV43]

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1)Fine:This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2)Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3)Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4)Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5)Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6)That's Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7)Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8)Whatever:Is a woman's way of saying F---YOU!
(9)Don't worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[Airbot]

[Joan Archer]

No comment

[pooch]

  Quote: Originally Posted by KV43

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

I don't suppose you have an answer for what this one means (see next quote)

  Quote: Originally Posted by Joan Archer

No comment

I know its humour but it all sounds so familiar


Pooch

[Martee]

  Quote: Originally Posted by pooch

  Quote: Originally Posted by KV43

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

I don't suppose you have an answer for what this one means (see next quote)

  Quote: Originally Posted by Joan Archer

No comment

I know its humour but it all sounds so familiar






Pooch

well, it means... No Comment really

[pooch]

  Quote: Originally Posted by Martee

well, it means... No Comment really

It's the really that scares me

[Martee]

Scares you? Nooooo.... How's that possible?