Vista Gaming Wireless: a Tragedy

Lo there it was upon my doorstep. I had finally done it. By the graces of the Gods of heaven and earth there it was. Vista Home Premium 64 bit edition on my doorstep, in discreet packaging that it might ward off would be thieves of this great prize.

The mac users, swarthy and greasy, even more so than myself all hissed, but I knew better. I knew while vista may be a slight more of a resource hog than xp, but I felt confident my 4 gigabytes of ram and my nvidia 8800gts would become stalwart companions as I traveled the, if nothing else yet, aesthetically pleasing windows of the future. Also I didn't understand the point the mac users made, as there are little resources required in the pinnacle of mac functionality. "Word processing?" "Video editing?" "Guffaw!" I condescendingly lol'd to myself, as I had an old xp based laptop that could do all that and more without costing near as much as the premium those would place on a half-eaten apple.

After the laborious process of installing all of my favorite programs, shareware, freeware, commercial software, each one performing as it did on my beloved xp, I felt it was time to relax. Firing up counter-strike 1.6, an old flame I had romanced long ago, I wasn't surprised to see this particular program working as expected as well. Until...

There it was, the 60 second ping! "Pfft, no matter!" I said, caressing the side panel window of my newly built machine with it's blue and green leds shining out subtly beneath the molex connectors and components I had installed with such care only hours before. You see, I was on a wireless connection, the location of my room, bereft of any and all coaxial jacks with which a cable modem might be placed, so I needed to do yet one more thing before my indulgence into the glossy world of vista finally replaced the gracefully aging xp. Into Administrative Tools, and then Services I went, to face my old arch-nemesis for a final showdown:

the Wireless Zero Configuration Utility.

Upon making it inside the services tool, I found the WZCU to be missing. The coward was hiding, all too aware it would once again wilt in the light my exceptional 1337n3ss presented. After failing to locate the wretched thing, I noticed something...similar, yet different. It was huge and forboding and it growled as only a guardian of satan could, and yet, thinking quickly I rolled over to it. Drawing out my trusty, illuminous razer mouse I right clicked, and doing as I had done to it's smaller, weaker cousin, smote it, disabled it, then and there. Casting it into the very pits of finality that it may not trouble me again.

and yet...

Having done so, I found that I could not access, nor connect to any wireless network in my vicinity. I looked around for solutions far and wide, and none of them gave me the weapons I needed to slay the ominous beast. Now I sit in my room, wearing a suit and sunglasses, watching youtube movies and drinking grape juice from a snifter, knowing well that I may never be able to defeat that massive, ugly demon by myself. But I know as well that microsoft, champions of all things right and good, would one day take up my cause, with or without me, and cast the beast off into the oblivion it deserved for causing so much pain to so many loyal users.

Seriously, please, there is no reason for the wlan autoconfig to be synonymous with a wireless internet connection.