Vista - IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT!

IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT!
Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support. May I have your
telephone number, area code first? Your visit may be monitored for purposes
of quality control. Now, what seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Exit the restaurant and re-enter, maybe the fly won't be there this
time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork
instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are
you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was
the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly
in my soup?

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.

[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[Waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
----------
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge (will be fixed with
Tomorrow's soup of the day)

Haha; I like. That IS good, and very true!
Did you see that one on here about the bloke that upgraded his girlfriend to
a wife? Same vein as this.

Mick Murphy

"Spanky deMonkey" wrote:

> IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT!
> Patron: Waiter!
>
> Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support. May I have your
> telephone number, area code first? Your visit may be monitored for purposes
> of quality control. Now, what seems to be the problem?
>
> Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
>
> Waiter: Exit the restaurant and re-enter, maybe the fly won't be there this
> time.
>
> Patron: No, it's still there.
>
> Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork
> instead.
>
> Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
>
> Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are
> you using?
>
> Patron: A SOUP bowl!
>
> Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was
> the bowl set up?
>
> Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly
> in my soup?
>
> Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
> your soup?
>
> Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
>
> Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
>
> Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
>
> Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
>
> Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
>
> Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
>
> Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.
>
> [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]
>
> Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
>
> Patron: This is potato soup.
>
> Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
>
> Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
>
> [Waiter leaves.]
>
> Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
> ----------
> The check:
> Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
> Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
> Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
> Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge (will be fixed with
> Tomorrow's soup of the day)
>
>
>

Powerful and graceful huh?
--
Andre
Blog: http://adacosta.spaces.live.com
My Vista Quickstart Guide:
http://adacosta.spaces.live.com/blog...3DB!9709.entry
"kirk jim" <11@11.11> wrote in message
news:uGELeD$dHHA.1868@TK2MSFTNGP04.phx.gbl...
> Vista is like a whale
>
>
> "john" <john@msn.com> wrote in message
> news:eYhapl9dHHA.4020@TK2MSFTNGP06.phx.gbl...
>> Dear Tech Support:
>> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and
>> noticed that Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
>> launches during
>> system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
>> Applications
>> such as Poker night 10.3, Boys Night Out 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no
>> longer
>> run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife
>> 1.0 in
>> the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite
>> applications. I
>> am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does
>> not work
>> on this program. Can you help me!!!? A TROUBLED USER
>>
>> Dear TROUBLED USER:
>>
>> This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a
>> primary
>> misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with
>> the idea
>> that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is
>> an
>> OPERATING SYSTEM. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the
>> program
>> files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend
>> 7.0
>> because Wife1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install
>> Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more problems than the
>> original
>> system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I
>> recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest
>> installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate
>> software
>> problems. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you
>> assume all
>> responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course
>> of
>> action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case, avoid
>> excessive
>> use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE
>> command
>> before the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0 is a great
>> program,
>> but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to
>> improve the
>> performance of Wife1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0. Do not,
>> under
>> any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
>> supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
>> damage to
>> the operating system.
>>
>> Best of luck,
>>
>> Tech Support
>>
>>
>> --
>> =======================================
>> "If you can't make it good, at least make it look good."
>> - Bill Gates

"Spanky deMonkey" wrote:

> IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT!
> Patron: Waiter!
>
> Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support. May I have your
> telephone number, area code first? Your visit may be monitored for purposes
> of quality control. Now, what seems to be the problem?
>
> Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
>
> Waiter: Exit the restaurant and re-enter, maybe the fly won't be there this
> time.
>
> Patron: No, it's still there.
>
> Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork
> instead.
>
> Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
>
> Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are
> you using?
>
> Patron: A SOUP bowl!
>
> Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was
> the bowl set up?
>
> Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly
> in my soup?
>
> Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
> your soup?
>
> Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
>
> Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
>
> Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
>
> Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
>
> Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
>
> Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
>
> Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.
>
> [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]
>
> Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
>
> Patron: This is potato soup.
>
> Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
>
> Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
>
> [Waiter leaves.]
>
> Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
> ----------
> The check:
> Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
> Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
> Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
> Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge (will be fixed with
> Tomorrow's soup of the day)
>
>
>

True Story, lol
Microsoft Technical Support

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the
rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired
several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all
attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He
looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again.

He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger
with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he
yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble
must be at your end!"

=======================================
Customer: Hello, I'm running Windows Vista...
Helpdesk: Yes...?
Customer: ...and now my computer stopped working!
Helpdesk: Yes, you already said that.
=======================================


"Spanky deMonkey" wrote:

> IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT!
> Patron: Waiter!
>
> Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support. May I have your
> telephone number, area code first? Your visit may be monitored for purposes
> of quality control. Now, what seems to be the problem?
>
> Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
>
> Waiter: Exit the restaurant and re-enter, maybe the fly won't be there this
> time.
>
> Patron: No, it's still there.
>
> Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork
> instead.
>
> Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
>
> Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are
> you using?
>
> Patron: A SOUP bowl!
>
> Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was
> the bowl set up?
>
> Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly
> in my soup?
>
> Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
> your soup?
>
> Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
>
> Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
>
> Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
>
> Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
>
> Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
>
> Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
>
> Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.
>
> [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]
>
> Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
>
> Patron: This is potato soup.
>
> Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
>
> Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
>
> [Waiter leaves.]
>
> Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
> ----------
> The check:
> Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
> Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
> Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
> Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge (will be fixed with
> Tomorrow's soup of the day)
>
>
>

Mick wrote:
> Haha; I like. That IS good, and very true!
> Did you see that one on here about the bloke that upgraded his girlfriend to
> a wife? Same vein as this.

Yes - but the Upgrade Friend to Wife story is better:-)

rOy

> "Spanky deMonkey" wrote:
>
>> IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT!
>> Patron: Waiter!
>>
>> Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support. May I have your
>> telephone number, area code first? Your visit may be monitored for purposes
>> of quality control. Now, what seems to be the problem?
>>
>> Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
>>
>> Waiter: Exit the restaurant and re-enter, maybe the fly won't be there this
>> time.
>>
>> Patron: No, it's still there.
>>
>> Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork
>> instead.
>>
>> Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
>>
>> Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are
>> you using?
>>
>> Patron: A SOUP bowl!
>>
>> Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was
>> the bowl set up?
>>
>> Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly
>> in my soup?
>>
>> Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
>> your soup?
>>
>> Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
>>
>> Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
>>
>> Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
>>
>> Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
>>
>> Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
>>
>> Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
>>
>> Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.
>>
>> [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]
>>
>> Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
>>
>> Patron: This is potato soup.
>>
>> Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
>>
>> Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
>>
>> [Waiter leaves.]
>>
>> Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
>> ----------
>> The check:
>> Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
>> Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
>> Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
>> Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge (will be fixed with
>> Tomorrow's soup of the day)
>>
>>
>>