Help! Remote app for iPhone, iTunes not recognizing as device

Alright guys..
Im about to lose it here, ive had an iPhone 3g for a while now and I have used, and loved the "Remote" app before. Some time ago my wifi capabilities on the phone gave up the ghost along with my ability to use the remote app. I recently took my phone in to get it checked out and surprisingly walked out with a new one! After i reloaded all my info to the new device I remembered how awesome that app was and now that my phone is wifi ready, I thought id give it a whirl. Too bad for me this ordeal has created a personal vendetta between my network/Notebook/iPhone/iTunes and I. Since I have already wasted so much time messing with settings and firewalls I feel it would be a shame to give up now. So any ideas on the subject will be more welcome than a kiss from Carrie Underwood!

By the way I am barely literate in all of this stuff so if i say something totally rediculous it wont hurt my feeling if you set me straight.

As of right now i have done the fallowing:

-all of the boxes are checked in my iTunes preferences (look for iPhone Remote)
-Home Sharing is on (phone too)
-laptop and iPhone are on the same network (matching ssid)
-iTunes and iPhone software is up to date
-for troubleshooting I have all of my firewalls turned off (router/windows/mcafee)
-to double check iTunes and Bonjour have Full access to the network
-TDC 3689 and UDP 5353 channels are open (router and mcafee)
-Restarted Bonjour and iTunes through srevices
-Numerous restarts phone, laptop, and router
-And probably 5 other things I cant remember right now

But, when i try the steps to pair the iPhone and iTunes using the Remote app, my iPhone doesnt show up under the "Devices" area on the left side of the iTunes Task Bar. Or rather there is no Devices tab at all.

Now, I have read pages of troubleshooting advice on the matter but what really troubles me is everyone else seemed to have the problem that when they enter their 4 digit code, the the Library cannot be found. where I cannot even get that far!

Well I officially feel like I have just wrote a novel, and I apologize about that, if anyone can help me resolve this issue I just might break down and cry..

Hi,

Don't know much about this but have you tried any or all of these: -

iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch: Device not recognized in iTunes for Windows

Thanks Lottiemansion, but I think that link is for users that cannot get there devices to connect with the USB cable. but thanks for taking a stab at it anyway!

Hi,

Are you still using the same installation of Itunes that was paired with your original device? Or have you re-installed it?

iPod for Windows: Connecting multiple iPod devices to iTunes

Says you can only pair one device but can charge multiple units.

Well, throught my troublshooting process i did remove and reinstall iTunes, and I have only syncd my iPhone to that iTunes.

Also I called apple support, and I ran down the list of things I had already done and he said I had done everything he would have suggested me to do so he reffered me to the apple store for help. When I went the phone and app synced perfectly like it had before! so now at least I have it narrowed down to my network. I know my network is very specific so I thought I would have to call my wireless provider or perhaps the support line for the router it self.