Vista - KB937287 Update Failing, even after Manual Install

Okay, I've heard about this horrible update and how it refuses to work, but I went around searching and found no one with the same problem as I did. So here is what happened:
1. I found it through updating, tried to update it, doesn't work (downloaded 9.5 mb, but failure on installation).
2. I manually downloaded from the Microsoft website, installed it, doesn't work (says install failed).
3. I closed everything, including anti-virus (Avast) and firewall. Installed it, doesn't work (same error message).
4. I reboot to try all the above steps again x2, doesn't work (still same error message).

If anyone has a solution to my dilemma, it would be greatly appreciated.

When was this offered, I have mine set to automatically install updates and haven't had any failures and I've just looked through my update history and can't find this one listed.
What is the update for ?

Did windows update download and install this update KB949939 which is required before installing the update you are trying to install.

KB949939 http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/details.aspx?FamilyID=997fd067-f23e-4145-81fe-3e92d6a12506&displaylang=en

Download details: Update for Windows Vista for x64-based Systems (KB937287)

Hmm, turns out it won't install that either. It initializes fine, but then around 66% of the bar, it just halts for a bit, then tell me "some updates were not installed", which is just the whole update itself. Strange...

Oops! This is for 64 bit so wouldn't apply to me, bowing out

1st link: It says it doesn't apply to my system, even though I am running 64 bit.
2nd link: Failure to install around 66% of the bar.

You don't have SP1 correct cause these are required before updating to SP1 here is the link.

Download details: Windows Vista Service Pack 1 Five Language Standalone (KB936330)

Download details: Windows Vista Service Pack 1 All Language Standalone (KB936330)

When trying to install one language (used the 64 bit one), it gave an internal error that was NOT covered by the usual troubleshooting.
0x80073715 was my error.
So I closed all applications, killed anti virus (avast) and firewall, run it, same thing.