Is there any other Veterans that has to deal with the issues of taking lives and wondering about the families and children that were left behind by your actions? This time of year is very hard for me. I know we fought for freedom but at who's cost? Ordered to travel to far away nations tand do what we have to in order to survive. When we return home we can't talk about what we did. This world we live in is not a peaceful one. Yesterday I drove by a cometary and counted less graves then what I took in the gulf war. This effected me in a bad way as I was with my family, two small sons. I cried and they did not know why, I could not bring myself to tell my wife. Today I feel ashamed of what I have done for freedom. Taking a life is not that easy as some might think. Taking many is even harder.

I'm sure that every veteran has.... But when you do you also have to think about what you were protecting........

I feel for you & share your pain. Written history claims there are winners & losers. It's not so clear cut. Scant mention is made of the many humans left surviving in a living hell, deprived of loved ones & wondering about what might have been. I'm sure you are not alone with your thoughts.
It may prove to be therapeutic to be able to voice your feelings in an anonymous area such as our Chillout room.
You are right, we don't live in a peaceful world . But looking at man's history on this planet it has ever been so.
My thoughts are with you.

I find that I can't get caught up in the emotional baggage that comes with doing your duty as a soldier/marine/airman/seaman. War is ugly, but all of us service members took a vow to say we would follow the legal orders given by our superiors. Sure, there's probably some children in Iraq whom's families have suffered because of things I've done, but if one were to focus on that you'd probably drive yourself insane. Stalin said (hang in there before you call me nuts) one death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic. The morale of what he's saying, don't make it personal and you'll find yourself sleeping much easier at night. I find that my more spiritually grounded soldier's have wrestled harder with the reality that we may very well end someone's appearance on Earth. I can't possibly imagine how the birthdate of our country would be anything but a celebration of our accomplishments. All nations have something to be proud of, and while I don't agree with my role in the war in Iraq, I chose to serve our country, not myself. As long as I keep getting legal orders, it is my obligation and duty to perform. I'm tempted to insert my own political commentary about fighting for "our freedom" but better judgement is going to stop me dead in my tracks.

Originally Posted by lordbob75

Techymike, we all thank you for your service. The sacrifice all of our soldiers have made is something we can never repay.

I cannot even think of how to phrase what I want to say.... Erhm....

Anyway. I have not served in the Militry (yet?) so I don't really know how you feel. All I can say is that Truthkid has a point. Try to get out the feelings you have, share them with your Wife. Believe me, just venting and sharing can really help.

I am not sure if this is the right spot to put it, but I was thinking of joining the Marines (or trying, Army would be second choice, AF third) either before College, or after. If I do before they might pay for it..... hmmmm.....
I am not entirely sure why I want to join, but I know that I want to have contributed something important into the world before I die. I don't want kids (yeah I know), so it will be something else. I think that part of it is a death wish, and I am just crazy enough for that to be true......

~Lordbob

Contrary to what all the mental health counselors will tell vets, I think venting has done more harm then good for me. The only people who understand the truth of combat are those who have been there. I tell my wife damn near everything, but save my breath when it comes to my deployments. She's never watched someone die or taken a life, so it's like speaking Farsi to a German. I started to vent, and then I got depressed, then I started to drink, which would case me to vent more, which would raise more questions, which would cause me to become more depressed, etc...

I shut my mouth and have been fine ever since, it's not about individual perils or achievements, its bigger then any individual effort.

yeah some of my peers that were there for our first deployment have benefited greatly from counseling, I've always been the self medicated type. I also found that leaving the infantry and getting a nice network job also helps avoid future moral dilemmas. Instead of wondering if I'm going to pull the trigger I wonder if someone is going to peak our bandwidth at a critical time and ruin someone important's day.