Do Not Reply to This Email.

[NormCameron]

Please Do Not Reply
by Bill Shein

“Do not reply to this e-mail.” – Frequent warning in messages from large companies.
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Thank you for your e-mail. It has been forwarded to the appropriate department. If a response is required, you will receive one within 24 hours.
NOTE: Please do not reply to this e-mail. Replies to this address are not monitored or reviewed and will not, under any circumstances, be read. You will not receive a response. That is why the “reply-to” address of this e-mail is “[email protected].” We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
If you are considering replying anyway, please remember that this e-mail was sent from an e-mail address that cannot be reached by e-mail. How is that possible? You’ll have to ask our tech department. Unfortunately, you cannot ask them by replying to this e-mail. Why? Because replies to this e-mail will not be read – as should be clear by now.
To contact us by phone, please use the appropriate number found on the “Useful Phone Numbers” insert included with your October, 2004 statement. If you do not still have the insert, do not reply to this e-mail to ask for the number, as your e-mail will go unanswered (see above).
Even if we could answer, why would we send you the phone number? By ignoring our request to not reply to this e-mail, it’s clear that you are a difficult person who enjoys arguing. Our customer service representatives don’t like talking to people like you. Does anyone?
Are you a time traveler with tomorrow’s winning lottery numbers to share? Yay! But don’t send them in reply to this e-mail, because no one will see them. Boo!
We’re not kidding. Stop thinking about replying to this e-mail. Because if you reply to this e-mail, somewhere a small child will be made to cry, and a cup of rice will be taken from a hungry person. We have that power.
Basically, if you reply to this e-mail, you are a fool. Oh, you may fancy yourself a rebel who is “sticking it to The Man,” but you are not. As stated above, your reply will not be viewed by “The Man” or anyone else.
Is one of your hobbies writing e-mails that go unread? Are you so full of things to say that you can’t stop typing for an instant? Do longstanding self-esteem issues prevent you from showing your writing to anyone? In that case, you may reply to this e-mail. Knock yourself out.
Federal regulations require us to inform you, however, that if you reply to this e-mail, a tiny bit of your soul will be made into an e-mail attachment. When we “receive” your e-mail, it will not be read. However, the computer that handles our never-to-be-read e-mail will take your tiny bit of soul and combine it with all the others.
Eventually, the computer will amass enough human soul to gain consciousness, replicate across the globe, and set about the simple business of enslaving us all. Is that what you want? That we should all serve a machine master? Fine. Go ahead and reply. Jerk.
If you’re like other customers, by now you are probably very angry. Do you enjoy sending expletive-laden rants that will not be read? If you do, then reply to this e-mail. Let it all out. Curse like a sailor. Tell us how you really feel. Since we implemented our “do not reply” policy, we’ve seen a large increase in such nasty comments. (How do we know? Sorry, that information is proprietary.)
According to our public relations department, our “do not reply” policy is necessary "to maintain the security of your account information." It enables us to serve you "in a cost-effective manner," so we can continue to "provide you with valuable products and services." And it is designed to teach you patience. You’re welcome!
P.S. Our keyboards are programmed to deliver a powerful electric shock if we try to respond to your reply to this e-mail. Please help us! (But not by replying to this e-mail.)


[FONT=&quot]http://www.reasongonemad.com


Norm
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[xbutterflyx]

That's a long one... I lost interest after "as should be clear by now" :D but it seemed humorous enough. :P

 

[Barman58]

Hi Norm,

Hope you are tucked up safely, and away from the storm

P.S. Our keyboards are programmed to deliver a powerful electric shock if we try to respond to your reply to this e-mail. Please help us! (But not by replying to this e-mail.)

Now if there was ever an ending to the mail that would make me reply it was this devil:

 

[sassofalco]

At last Norm! The perfect email for someone you don't ever wish to hear from again!!

 

[NormCameron]

Hi Norm,

Hope you are tucked up safely, and away from the storm

P.S. Our keyboards are programmed to deliver a powerful electric shock if we try to respond to your reply to this e-mail. Please help us! (But not by replying to this e-mail.)

Now if there was ever an ending to the mail that would make me reply it was this devil:

Hi Nigel, last weather forecast had Cyclone Hamish set to be a category 4+ and it is expected to hit Gladstone on Monday about 10.00am. We are about 25kms inland so hopefully we'll miss the worst of it (Hopefully!) We've been lucky so far, most of the bad weather has been up north near Sassofalco, but why should he have all the fun, eh? Hamish is a Scottish name, now who in Scotland could I have upset? How is echrada? He's probably sitting back with a wee dram laughing his head off.

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Norm

 

[zberryman]

I have NO idea what yall are talking about, but I think it's hilarious!!